chat Real Men Stories: Truth behind dating app and the follow up to the Survey.

Although so far I have had a low turn out for the results of the survey; I thought it would be beneficial to all those whom participated and those whom follow me on —Word Press— to show some of the results to the “dating app and sexual survey”. This is a follow up to the Real Men Stories: Truth Behind Dating Apps.

To further add, my thoughts regarding the rebuttals in the private Facebook group; which were mainly women; whom participated in grievous acts of defamation against men. Now, I only complained to one or two female friends that I was fed up about the situation and this was to inform them they needed to go to the police; to notify and inform because dating apps are badly managed.

I do not join these bitchy groups —it’s below my IQ level. I am a woman myself, but, I am not on Facebook and I do not have time to do all of the tittle- tattling. I also do not want to end up being sued by someone. As it is an illegal act.

This is also, another form of sexism. It is very dangerous and has dangerous consequences in society.

So, please be weird and wonderful; don’t follow a crowd —take my advice.

The article I en lukket gruppe på Facebook med nesten 300 medlemmer, advarer kvinner mot menn de har møtt gjennom Tinder. Mennene får kraftige beskyldninger uten at de vet om det selv.

You end up in a lawsuit if you try to do these heinous grievances in public. It translates as in a closed group with 300 members, the men are talked about and have no idea women only are talking about them. Yes they called a group of men “f*ckboys” as in a jacka** (which is the 2000’s version).



This is one of the examples of a society breaking down, because there are people whom are not aware of the law. They cannot empower people to do the right thing.
Thus, when I found out men really are being sexually abused and exploited through these dating apps; it made me worry that either, the government and media are not doing enough. Some men have been on 300 dates because they cannot get with anyone. Which I found incredibly bizarre.


If you feel uncomfortable, you should inform the police. Then the police have the responsibility of taking action.

Men go in silence, and even though these Facebook groups are available; there is not a professional advisor present to inform people and give them —totally good advice.

So, there needs to be more action taken to address this problem. If you call someone a derogatory term, say it to them and tell them why you have said this; it may help them to become better.

I do not know. I tried this method and I can honestly tell you; the response I received was quite funny, because he was an educated man. I thought, it has to be a fake profile. However, he responded and was awfully shocked that I had remarked about his decisions.

I had to say something— it was making me doubt the world.

The Survey is still open. Please feel free to look at it.

I address certain core topics regarding sexual health and the way people feel about age gaps, and how they feel about dating apps being badly managed. The questions also have a descriptive section; of which I will try and answer some of the questions the participants left. It only takes 5 minutes of people’s time to fill out the survey. However, the results are quite startling.

Also, I will give a report about what the media and government can do to help the situation.

There are 7 visual evidences images to make it easier.

Evidence 1: The dating app usage

Evidence 1 Have you ever used a dating app. Most of the men said definitely not and most women said they have.

Thoughts

There seems to be already a certain amount of stigma attached to using dating apps. Thus, I find it very strange the governments around the world are not able to prewarn people of the dangers of using the internet or social media, or even dating apps — to create methods of social empowerment — enabling people to gather together to be sociable. We as humans are sociable, there is even an article that NRK posted about the fact a man named Jørgen has been on 300 dates. Of which I cannot find the link because it has been removed, but I have evidence.

I do feel like this is completely unacceptable and shows that dating apps are really bad. To not even be asked, have you met this person, was the date okay …. seems a little bit callous. The apps only want your money!!!



Especially, after COVID 19 where people’s feelings regarding health correlates also, to their social and sexual health.

No one would dare want to be with someone whom cannot commit.

You can already see that a lot of men and women feel disparaged from putting themselves out there. Perhaps this is through apprehension. However, as my survey shows other results, we can look at the evidence and see how many factors— could actually be a significantly negative impact— on the way we are going to become in the future, if we do not demand change from governments and institutions.


Evidence 2: First impressions count.

71% will not have sunglasses or exposed body features on their profile pictures and most said maybe they would date someone with sunglasses or exposed body features.

Thoughts

Well, I am captivated by this response as it seems as though, many would not cover their facial features. They would not hide from a person on their Facebook profile pictures, nor, would they on a dating app.

So, it is rather surprising they would consider a dating someone —whom doesn’t make them feel safe. Or doesn’t have the confidence to show their faces.

Most would say that it is posing – I beg to differ. As we are meant to make a good first impression. Many are falling into an insecure trap. Another study reveals, exactly what I anticipated; New Research Study Breaks Down “The Perfect Profile Photo”

As this study reveals it actually harms your reputation if you do not reveal your eyes.

Unfortunately, a full body picture doesn’t work in your favour either, as the study reveals.

My advice is: if you do have a profile picture without sunglasses —choose to block the dating profiles, or people on Facebook whom do not have the same type of outlook as you —because they are not your type.

Narrow your search and refine it a bit more.

Make sure you have people whom show faces.

It would be nice to finally be able to see dating apps being managed a little better where they refuse sunglasses and exposed body images. Leave some to the imagination and protect us a little more. However, this is not going to happen they just want your money.

Evidence 3: Age Range and Gender

Evidence suggests that no one will go on an app, without knowing their age preferences which tend to be Maximum 10 years. Only one person had someone outside of the 10 year age gap send them messages.


Thoughts

Most stuck to their own age group, of 10 years.

This intrigued me a little and the response I received from one of the participants further backs up evidence, of appropriate age gap theories. It is a healthy sign that many were comfortable with the age groups they were assigned as an age gap in the survey.

Genuinely this person would not use a dating app, however, they are dating someone younger than them. They do think there is an age gap appropriate level of 10 years. This is what I find remarkable. The participant is also, female.

So, as the response shows the female participant; thinks that a 10 year age gap is appropriate, but “anything above 15 years: possibly becomes more problematic“. I do realise the participant asked question but then, already has a desired age preference; whether, or not they recognise they have an age limit —is up to them personally —but in society I do realise, there is a definite distinction that a 10 year age gap— is regarded, socially acceptable. This goes for all genders.

These questions were meant to provoke the participant to social norms; it is more, to help people discover —whether or not —they have these limitations.

I do believe, most of the men whom I have spoken to where actually sexually exploited by women whom were over 10 years their age.

So, perhaps the reasoning of limitations, are us assessing the dangers?

Are we trying to tell ourselves that it is actually inappropriate, but, we do not want to come across as spiteful for telling the truth?

86 % of the participants believed men can be sexually abused.

Thus, ignoring the fragility of men, could in turn create a sexist environment on epic proportions. As the scale tips and women become more dominant; yes, this could actually explain the wheel of misfortune that people endure through dating apps as well. Poor Jørgen, unfortunate lad! (Stakkars Jørgen som uheldig fyr!)

Further evidence of age gaps is peer influence. Friends and family may perhaps pressure people into being with someone older than them, this was 100 % no. This is nice to see, no social pressures makes for happier people.

The participants response to going on a date with someone over 10 years their age out of sympathy was 100% NO.

They would not be compelled to do so or feel obligated or pressurised. Which is very good news really on a sexual exploitation level. However, a counter manipulation question was not asked as this was about whether or not, someone had pressured them into being with them sexually, this was 100% NO.

There maybe a problem in the result of the study because of the age group.

Most of the participants were 25-35. However, the survey shows they are not able to be —manipulated or pressured —into having sex with someone over 10 years older than them. Very good news, because they are not easily manipulated.

Do you think it is socially acceptable to be dating someone with a huge age gap?

The results were yes 57% and 43% maybe.

Going back to the reply, it is socially acceptable for someone to be 10 years older than you, however, someone over this age gap and the response becomes a maybe. So, this would mean, society is changing it’s age preferences without social pressures.

Evidence 4: Badly managed dating apps.

From the results 33 % said yes they are badly managed and 71% said maybe. I was shocked because one person said no the sexual offenders should be allowed on a dating app, the rest want to play it safe.

Thoughts

I was expecting more of a percentage of people to say —”yes“— to the question about the sex offenders being banned from dating apps.

Now, I know it seems like everyone is deserved of a chance, but, in todays climate where everyone is looking at their health, many are sceptical about catching sexually transmitted diseases or anything such the likes; due to COVID.

I had as much thoughts about this because, many do not want to feel like they could also, be sexually exploited. Many of the male participants did not want to be sexually exploited by a sex offender.

It is nice to be compassionate —it is another thing to put yourself out there and in danger.

So, the results concluded dating apps failed to protect it’s users. Although, is it just the dating apps failure, as I asked a further question about the media and the government.

Evidence 5 Sexual Grooming

Whether or not the participants felt they were not being groomed by someone over 10 years their age gap is hard to distinguish here.


Thoughts

The participants responses suggest they are strong enough mentally, to not be manipulated or forced to being with someone. The survey asks what type of gifts. Now dinner, movie tickets, concert tickets are normal things to recieve in a long term relationship.

There are limitations to the amounts of gifts one a recipient feels comfortable with before having sex. Of course, it is okay to receive a gift, however, lavish gifts for example a house, car and clothes is all for a long term relationship. Dating is when you really have not had sex or, made a commitment to be together long term. It is not like you have relationship goals; for example getting the mortgage or moving in together.

Having relationship goals is a clear indication that a person is also interested in you and would like to commit. Thus, they should not really be out to exploit you. However, in extreme circumstances, certain individuals have been drugged and raped so, this is one of those danger lines friends discuss in their social groups about what is appropriate.

Sexual grooming can be a number of other ways the strangest thing about the survey was the sex of the individuals they were transgender or other. Now, I am not trying to come out with hate or reasons of such allegations. I simply want to get to the bottom of why men felt like they were being groomed by gender fluid people. Maybe, they felt uncomfortable, and they do not feel like they are attracted to the individual. The explanation was not there, men, do not really share things of this nature on survey’s let alone in public.

This is all to do with trust — If you feel like you trust this person — then it will not feel like you are being manipulated.

So, when people recognise the signs of being groomed. Perhaps they would change their opinion slightly on a survey. I do not know. It is for another time.

Evidence 6 Media and Government

All participants agreed that men should be encouraged to get mental health support through the media


Thoughts

Unfortunately, the latest news about Sverre Varhaug, a psychologist whom sexually abused his client, whom is now dead; doesn’t help present matters. ( Please feel free to look at the article, by clicking on the name, using google translate. ) These kinds of stories do not help men to get a second opinion, it probably makes them fear going to the psychologist. These types of stigmas are not healthy in the climate we are living in today where, we need to make sure our mental health is good after being isolated.

27 year old man took his own life and the family did not understand why until they found letters about Sverre Varhaug.

This article is from 1970 and really doesn’t help today’s issues and neither does it encourage men, women, and transgenders of which all the participants agreed need to be given help if they are sexually abused.

I think that media awareness about people’s current events and how to help social problems, as well as establish good social contact doesn’t seem to be the media’s primary focus — So there seems to be a lot of — stigma attached to seeing a psychologist. Of which many psychologists are about to complain in Norway about this agenda. We just have not seen the backlash yet. Brace yourselves, we could all be in for a bumpy ride!

Although 86% of the participants agreed: their government has not done enough to ensure people are aware of sexual exploitation. There are two informative explanations from participants on how to combat the problem. I was very, happy with the way they both responded and I am in agreement with them.

The first explanation is from a male participant

When I think about the stigma attached to Sexual exploitation, sexual abuse, and sexual health —this is one of those answers which is not just a —demand; it utterly is, an expectation of the government, but also a direct action assessment . As there needs to be more information about sexual grooming and also dating apps. Also ensuring there really are not any sex offenders on dating apps.

Do we realise that the stigma of sexual health is only for people between 16- 24? Is this a bad thing?

Yes I think, the government only supports people between these ages for free. I find this compelling and also, very neglectful as we are in a world which changes.

One of the stories, about Geir whom is 43, basically shows after a divorce, you are not even given support. Which furthermore backs the male participants statement about stigma.

Men, are basically neglected and their sexual health is too.

When they pass a certain age they are unable to get the help necessary to even deal with their marriages or any sexual problems which occur in relationships.

If men whom are divorced end up being exploited, it feels as though there is some form of sexism “however” it is not; this is about age.

I really, feel both men and women over a certain age should be given support after they have been separated because they may find a spouse has been unfaithful. Again, society and the government do not really promote support in regards to this, and a lot of people have probably been through a breakup due to COVID 19.

Sexual health and advice should be universal, an all inclusive package which also includes the support to prevent alcohol and drug addiction.

The female participant whom replied to the government support question

Adverting campaigns to warn the dangers online.

Thoughts

Regarding empowering people through advertising campaigns and warning the general public of the dangers online; I am in agreement, not enough is done.

We are still looking back at things which happened in 1970 to men.

I know men have the highest suicide rates around the world. On the alternative spectrum, we need to think about the way in which we encourage good practices. (Please read evidence 7 for the answer to another form of therapy)

If there is not going to be a government that supports a universal sexual health package including providing protection from Sexual offenders online, then, I am afraid it will be brushed under the carpet like a lot of things.

We, need to be able to have a trusting world where everyone is facilitated with the help they need.

In the long run this will prevent a lot of problems. I will have to agree with the participant classes in Schools and Universities are a positive way of combating the problem and building social awareness. However, the media have other intentions. It is up to us as the general public to ensure we choose the right government whom will support these issues, instead of the end result of abuse “drugs and alcohol misuse”.


Sometimes, we have to be cruel to the government and provide a social enforcement ourselves to create the community we would desire. Then, the government follows after we do extensive research or we find patterns that are unhealthy in people’s day to day lives.

86% of participants have given sexual abuse advice to friends.

This is a huge majority, which means, the government is not doing enough to elevate the on going problems in society. Most of these were men, whom gave the advice. Whether, or, not they gave the advice to a man or a woman was not disclosed.

They would help a friend regardless.

Therefore, it is only right the government supports all ages and all genders through sexual abuse and sexual health problems. It seems like we all owe it too each other.

Evidence 7: The ambiguous question on group sexual abuse groups



57% said maybe to being in a support group regardless of the composition of the group. Then two said yes and only 1 said no.

Thoughts

I think the maybe participants are trying to suggest, they would prefer group therapy as opposed to a 1:1 moment with a counsellor. Thus, meaning the costs would be reduced and the support would be bigger.
However, the yes really tipped the balance over because they think group support seems to be a better solution.

Group therapy for these kinds of things would mean, a person would have more than the psychologists support. So, I would have to agree, this probably will help men a lot more to be apart of a group than having individual time with a psychologist, due to the current news.


Final thoughts,

Mainly women are worried about being sexually abused because of COVID restrictions. Thus, making me think the stigma of which men have endured of being tough is still around. Anyone could be sexually exploited, it is better to have a government address the situation than have them brush the problem under the carpet and have a lot of people dependent on other drugs.

I really believe we owe it to each other to make sure all of us are aware, it could happen to anyone. We owe it to each other to create a better world. I believe many of us have lost hope.

If most men are hiding their feelings and not getting the help they need, the government does need to do something. Also, they need to ensure sexual offenders are not allowed on dating apps. Sexual abuse groups are also a good sign of people needing to be together to heal. We have all needed this after COVID 19 lets hope it happens.


I hope you can write to your government and media to inform about the awareness changes you want in the future for your own country. Good luck.


Please leave comments below about how you would change things for the future.














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