chat “Manners maketh the man”. Discovering Why This Is the best solution.

Reflection time.

I really need to make sure that everyone is on the level of communication which makes the best of any bad situation. I do not care if you are, highly astute .

Your grades do not make the person.

Your instagram and facebook followers, don’t help define you as a person.

The more we see to the easing of COVID restrictions around the world.

The more we need to help others, understand the unwritten codes in society.

Especially, if you are in a very densely populated area; where lots of people are involved in drinking, or just are not wanting to adapt. Or any kind of setting which requires someone to hold composure. This is the proverb for you.

Many with other religious beliefs may not understand the proverbs are like the same as a wisdom passage in any kind of ideology. Then, this becomes a mantra, or the norm for society.



Who wrote this divine quote that was in A Kingsman film? Certainly was not Colin Firth!

What makes a better person?


Are we looking at basic communication in very unbridled way?

Why do people use skin colour as an excuse not to be civilised?

Toxic Masculinity comes up often these days is their anyway round the confrontation?

Why I would not want to behave like Meghan Merkel?

Why do Black Lives Mattes not want people to be civilised?


At Eton School, which is one of the most prestigious schools in the UK, and also the oldest in the world.

Built their reputation of upper echelons of society, based on the moto of a headmaster, around the 14th century, and his name is William Horman. I can tell you that I have not read ‘Vulgaria’.

On the other hand, what I can tell you from basic communication; even when you are not getting along with someone—  there is a need to—  compose yourself; acknowledge when the other person says thank you.

Respond back, even if you feel like you are not good enough with: a polite gesture. Make your body language resemble positive gestures not confrontational ones.

I remember writing about John Adams, because I read some article referring to his quotes. Then, I used them in the reflection piece; When Psychologists, Post Doctor Graduates, Researchers, and Journalists go political and not psychological!!!!

It is enough to expand your reading, you really do not need to go into depths and lose yourself and the context.

Adams was referring to us as civilians —  being civil.

Living in a civilised society; making sure we maintain a level of decency with our peers, or anyone whom knows us; is important — not just for your morale — it’s about reflecting upon your behaviour for improvement.

We are no longer a barbaric individual needing, basic needs; recognition, not only of our own personal achievements —  civilises you and your level of integrity. Giving you the ability to come across like you are empathising with someone, whom also has challenges. With a varied range of positive responses.

Even though that person has challenged you and your thoughts — another person may come along and challenge you until your principles and values, are aliened with society.

We are not the same because of circumstances.

We sometimes, have restrictions and rules that we have to follow. It doesn’t mean you have your rights all the time.

COVID has taught us to always pay attention to the government.

If you haven’t been aware then, sorry I cannot help you; most of us have gone through isolation and we are, tired of it.

Behaviour and whether or not a person is paying attention, makes a person appear civil. Saves you from getting into trouble with the police. Then you can be on a higher plane of existence empowering others. I mean, it is like a transcendence, being able to achieve things without having a masters degree in one field.

I am the master of life.

says a person whom observes life….

When a person gets to say they a mastering life; job opportunities come flooding in. They begin to see you as a team player.

Women are even attracted to someone whom can empathise but not be destructive. You want to plan for the future, then you discuss this with a woman so she knows, where and what is happening. It may seem scary but, it is the only solution for some men to be civil.

Women are not your sexual objects where you talk down to them:



‘Manners Maketh the man’.


If you want to not be civil—  you can buy your sex—  but, you will never have that lasting loving connection people so dearly crave, later on. For example, walks in the park, or learning to share life stories.

This will not happen.

When someone does things that are negative, for example :

Another person is talking to you and you continue wearing sunglasses without explaining they are your glasses as well, or, you have headphones in your ears.

If you do not pace your walking to their pace and you go slow. They probably do want to walk in speed to be healthier.

You do not want to explain things, about your own self, but you turn someone else into the abuser because you—  know perfectly well you do not want to be civil with them.

This means, you do not want to listen. It is hard for that person, to think you want to be civil.

“Manners maketh the man”

We all have a Dark side but you have to have standards

My biggest weakness is that I swear like a sailor.

This means, I am using my freedom of expression when I like. However, I will not say something to a group of men whom are being loud and rowdy.

I would walk by and call them a name I should not because, I know —  I am uncomfortable. They have made me feel uneasy. So I will immediately mutter a name under my breath to make me feel, like I have things under control. Also, I assessed the situation correctly, that I saw them as a threat. My perspective of fear and control, do not go to the great art of manipulation, sorry:

I am a woman on my own.

Of course I know the consequences. Almost all women, when faced with the uncomfortable pressures of being around uncivilised men, is to have a sort of shield in themselves. However, the mistake some men make is they do not see a woman, as vulnerable and ignore those things.

Ignorance is not bliss.

Hence the reason why, I have a set of code rules for myself that when I feel like men are looking at me like a piece of meat. I am not a mans equal in this regard:

I will say something to myself immediately to make me show I do not fear them.

A lot of people have been talking about toxic masculinity, it is not just about men not recognising they need to share roles, but they need to do this with humility. We can share things, but we women, know when you men are vulnerable and we know you have feelings. However, chivalry is manners: they make the man.

Another man, whom recognises the problem will just walk at the pace of a woman to make her feel safe, then they ask the woman not to say anything.

As this is just the right thing to do. The obligation in society is the willingness to appreciate the civility of it all. So, it becomes natural for a man to:

Calm her down!

A woman, asks you to do something other than the thing you wanted to do, you just do it; then ask if you want to do this another way because a woman, whom is decent, would ask anything afterwards.

As teachers always has questions at the end of a lecture session.


They want your undivided attention. They do not want people to interrupt their flow, or explanation. Being attentive for long periods of time takes tenacity. If you have done something before, say and then say;

I do it this way but, you’ve shown me another way, thank you.

Listening to someone after long periods of time, takes, a lot more skills. There is empathy involved and also, timing of when you show that you agree or disagree with the flow.

When you are having a “normal conversation“, people like to ask questions to show they are listening too. This is the difference.

We have people amongst us that are not doing the normal, social interactions, and social connections, which would create less conflict.

In formal settings you cannot interrupt people when they are explaining something to you. This goes both sexes.

You cannot do this, it means, you lost it. The civility and the balance of your life.

Take for example Meghan Merkel. This B grade actress, over stepped her mark, by washing her dirty laundry in public.

Even as an English person, privacy is the ultimate culture thing’s we live for.

We do not spill the beans. If we do, then, we are concerned about someone.

We want the best for the other person.

Not to tear them down. There is a civil nature about it.

You do not even use anything against others, but keep your dignity and uphold yourself in your social circle.

There is a certain etiquette to uphold.

There is a certain civility required to be in the presence of the Royal Family.

The only time I came close to her majesty is when she was shaking hands, in my town. Even then there is a culture reserved code, which forces you to courtesy and behave properly infront of her and give her the correct title of :

Her majesty, or Ma’mm!

You do not get to call someone Ma’mm, just because she wears a crown. The Queen is someone you look up to even if she breaks the new norms of hunting.

We are taught to address her as such, from the beginning of our love to play kings and queens as children.

It kind of hurts when someone like Meghan Merkel, makes us re-live the pain of losing Diana. The unsolved mysteries and the fact, the Queen just went with her son the whole time.

Everyone is entitled to their family life. Their private soul bearing people they go to. We are human after all.


But what Meghan did was break the cardinal rule. I do not care what colour she is… this is the cultural differences; we do not want broken on an Island of so much diversity.

Harry, why could you just not calm Meghan down???
Do her a favour and us!


You will both be drunk one day and she will feel uncomfortable; next thing you know — glass bottle is used on a hammer against your head — as you did not realise you needed to calm her down.

Manners maketh the man”

Other Unwritten Codes Of Practices In Society


You do not speak ill of others. We do this with no intention to improve. Time to change really. Since I have moved to Norway, I socially distanced myself from people whom have been negative towards me. I only have friends, I can go and be sociable with whom will laugh and like the same music as me. This is healthy. I prevent myself from having to think about a person in a negative way.

This is deemed un-lady like. I do not know, if, people are raised differently in other countries (let me know in the comments below, this will help someone studying, anthropology)

We need to get this amount of civility back, into our own social spaces, into our homes.

Right now!

There were times when people did not speak to their neighbours, or purely based on the fear of being judged.

Everyone knows their his a Hyacinth in every woman.

It doesn’t matter if that person classifies themselves as common as muck. They will have the traits of Hyacinth.

It is not something you make light of, unless you are with a bunch of friends and you can make fun of one of them. There is one whom keeps up appearances and tries to outshine, out polish, keep up a higher standard, in their own daily lives— which helps people understand; class wars is not a struggle. You just have to play the game and be more polished:

We need everyone to say please and thank you.

On the other hand when Hyacinth, comes out of the woodworks — you are looking at a neurotic individual whom always wants to come across like they are well to do— better off than they appear. Most could be called a “snob“, or names which classify whom you are, it’s a term of endearment.

Understanding class wars, and social class wars ,has nothing to do with race. Every European country has this embodiment of compassion towards those whom behave in a civil manner.

You loose this and you loose the respect of others. It takes a darn sight longer to regain your confidence to want to have these unwritten rules and codes, become saturated into your life.

People do get frustrated with this amount of unwritten codes, because they misinterpret people’s behaviour.


However, some countries in Europe, go through the different unwritten codes to help people not misunderstand. Of which I found incredibly useful, I can tell you. It gave me an insight to why people behave the way they do.

Understand the meaning of humility and being humble.

All in the name to keep things on a civil level.

Making them ask you to do something more than three times, means, you are ignorant. You need to go back; find the way to reflect on your behaviour. Reconcile your differences with people without talking about race, it is about attitudes and how people interact.

They should not even have to ask you more than once. You have a schedule: you stick to it.

People whom can balance their lives with the amount of dexterity required, means, they full-fill their potential. In this type of social pressure.

It is easier to be accepted, when you join in.

Not once did I see Merkel shaking hands like the Royals normally conduct by: holding functions in front of the general public, which she would have noticed it is diverse. I am all the way in Norway, I felt her neglecting the people she is meant to be serving.

Resistance is futile because they will ostracize you and this is not healthy. This happened to Meghan Merkel, sorry to say, but we the common people; just don’t respect or like you Meghan.

You broke the unwritten code, Meghan. You and a bunch of your ideological bearing, crazed individuals whom try to cast stones; without understanding the culture and society you were in.

In ordinary society, this means, you have reached the point of your own underlying issues not being addressed, plus, the lack of communication — leads to: your demise.

Breaking unwritten codes



Breaking oaths, or not even paying attention to someone — means, you do not care, and you want to abuse that person — this is not a feelings competition.

It is internationally renowned as a form of civility and compassion guideline.


Acting bravado is just going to make people think you want confrontation. Any form of conversation about the colour of a persons skin, even if you are black, means:

No, self-respect!

You show any form of not respecting others or yourself, or understanding and compassion towards others, this society will cast a stone at you  — in a metaphysical sense.

It is like the guilt gets to you, as you know you have done wrong. When the scornful looks begin to surface instead of a smile. It is a sign of:

lacking the interpersonal skills required to advance.

This is why it will take you, three thousand times longer, to jump hurdles. Find a job, begin to base yourself as a human being. Grasp the concept of why you are here, quickly and you will get what you want.

The universities give people a 5 year plan in some classes, for job hunting. You need to have the vision of the future. This goal helps you maintain the communication needed to obtain those things.

If your self determination is low then you need help. Recognising you do not have a good work life, student life, social life basis; or the resemblance of juggling all three means you need to get some help.

This society is esteemed and when self esteem comes into the unwritten codes of practices and you feel guilty. You will not achieve. Please continue reading to help with the:

7 stages of grief.

What would you gain from keeping a person in a barbaric state?

Imagine the countries before dictators used fear and a sort of malignant cancer on intelligence. Anything to do with intellect, is discouraged.

The dictators, want the people to be less educated, thus, they make them dependent on the state.

A dictator or a bully, would keep their victims under a constant hamster wheel. The only problem is, some people do not notice until it is too late.

It seems to me like BLM have a victimhood sphere; where a person gets so fixed on their agendas— they cannot make sound judgements for their own lives— or, when they are faced with diversity: they object to it .

I will define objecting, because people think this is just a no.

The follower of such an ideology will kill their own, like a sign of honour code — to prove a point— of dominance. The only religion I have known to be able to be as extreme is some form of Islam. They are not necessarily muslims. They follow Islam and are radicals.

Many different doctrines in Islam, also many different sects. The only ones that tell you there is only one Islam are the radicals themselves.

Now BLM are commercial, they are radicals — can we not stop this and respect one another?

Has anyone noticed that BLM keep people in a savage mode: to burn and plunder because the people whom serve this, are worried they will not survive?

They need you to hate and carry on hating because it feeds their money pot. This occurs once every 10 years now, where these people run out of money — if you have not noticed?

Levels of communication with drunk people.

Do not mock the challenge of trying to get information from a drunk person.

You still need to keep it civil with a drunk person.

It is not that simple either.

If a drunk person needs the toilet, let them use it. Especially as a female. I have been in situations where I felt like I had no choice but to loose my decorum because other’s just do not know how to deal with drunk people.

You need to be able to use both, good non-verbal communication and verbal communication with a drunk person because they will probably have a shorter fuse than they usually do.

I will give you an example where being drunk becomes dangerous, and why certain people need to not ignore drunk people or drive past them. They will not kill you if they are in a coma.

My first interaction with a party setting when I was around 17 was at a party, in a suburbs social club in Kings Heath. A 15 year old was going around, taking all the half-full drinks from the tables.

He was drinking wine, whiskey, rum, Bacardi breezers, hooch, Baileys, aftershock even the pints of Guinness and other pints of cider, beer and chaser beers apparently.

Everyone at one point in their life does this, because they may be dared to do it, or,  feel daring enough to — feel like they are young and they have something to prove. However, many of us whom have been in the drinking culture society, know we do not mix the drinks through — trial and error.

This is called cocktail drinking.

(Yes you guessed it.)

I cannot remember he was surrounded by loads of people and I said, lay him on the floor in the recovery position and call an ambulance.

All I remember was a bunch of kids screaming in panic because, they did not know what to do.

Simple.

Calm down.

Think

Put the person in the recover position, one leg over the other, head to the side arms over so they can’t be sick, and they do not choke and die on their own vomit.

The chaos of watching a bunch of teenagers whom were younger than you, panic and not listen to each other. Getting emotional because they were drunk.

They lost it! I mean, they were ready to go barbaric.

A fight was about to break out; the ambulance arrived; my friends and I walked away.

Imagine having to retrieve information from people in that state, well you can have banter and get them to focus on an item around the room.

If they struggle then you know they are going through alcoholic poisoning.

This is the reason why most restaurant owners whom are of a different culture, every year, struggle to understand; they too are responsible for the environment they create. They take money from drunk people, and are abusive towards them and do not seem to understand, you need to be aware of the regulars and the not so regulars because of alcoholic poisoning.

If they die on your premises, even if you’re not serving alcohol and you did not follow procedures of First Aid, then, you are responsible for their death as far as I am concerned. This is where my moral issues are and how people with good intentions will tell you truthfully.

You are responsible.

Full stop any form of First Aid means, you could save a life. Someone from choking on your food. E.t.c

Civility is based on the conscious of an individual.

How you conduct your own behaviour as a restaurant owner, or any kind of establishment is based on your civility and how much you understand.

All the time you want to be abusive to that person be careful when they come back sober because they will not do business with you again.

If you cannot do first aid, then you aren’t going to know — the 7 stages of grief either.

Golden rule to customer service


“Manners maketh the man”



Stop using mental health as an excuse for not being civil; when you are consciously better.

Being self aware of when you need to balance your life, when not to is based on whether you have been diagnosed properly by someone as having a mental disability.

A mental disability does not protect you from trauma or grief.

This could be a break-up, you could have to move somewhere, or it could be these restrictions causing you a little trauma. Alcohol and drug abuse is something that also, covers the trauma and grief patterns.

You recognise it; we all recognise it.

It is our responsibility as civilians — to keep it civil.

What happens when you always end up in a cycle of grief????

—  You never get out, until you are aware of your own negative behaviour.



If your attitude resonates an unwillingness to cooperate, people begin to not want to bother even coming to you for advice.

This is not good, especially, if you have wisdom and advice.

People need to respect one another and be civil.


I have forced an adult, to look me in the eye. There are children whom lack communication skills whom need to see you talk to them in the eye  — so they understand something. For an adult, whom has been taught at a higher level; to be forced to look someone in the eye —appears like negative traits and this person needed to be decent.

They need you to keep this real. Look me in the eye, then say, “I have had enough”. Then leave to reflect on their behaviour traits which are causing a problem.

The person finally did, because they were not willing enough to understand — we are not in the Norway where we were free— if it feels like someone is telling you what to do; discuss the here and now: the world of restrictions we are living in.

Recognise, reflect and reconcile.

Yet, I have to reflect daily at work. I know, you cannot have no control in a pre-school. Children get bitten, you have to explain it to their parents what had happened: like it was your responsibility.

Now this person, doesn’t have to deal with people on a daily basis in reference; to someone they love or care about. It is that they did something terrible to someone they loved because, they realise they lost their civility. Sorry, this is for this person to go through their cycle of grief, also, recognise I am on number 7. I can describe in detail that pain I went through and still have a level of understanding of my goals.

I do not, loiter or have idle hands to entertain negative thoughts.

I keep myself occupied.

Now you have seen the grief cycle: Remember, because then you recognise why a person cannot keep themselves in a civil mindset.

You pass it on to others.




Everyone is going to lack these basic skills because they have been isolated.

Either studying too much, or the COVID restrictions.

Your mental health issues, when you need to get help —  is when you cannot keep it civil. You section yourself from society in a form of isolation. This could be the police to restrain you, not physically but, they escort you to hospital.

If we do not use civility, we will not know a person needs help. It is going to break us as civilised people.

But what we need to do, is hold it together and compose our own festering desires, or even if you are not able to multi-task.

You use the glue that holds you together, as the fabric of consciousness.

Pave your way with a smile, positive attitude and use your manners. No one wants your blood.

According to the breakdown of William Horman’s proverb, which I wholeheartedly agree:

  • Good manners’ ability to distinguish humans from animals.
  • Good manners being a core part of what it is to be a good human.
  • Good manners’ power to make a good person even better.
  • Good manners’ power to shape our personalities.

We as a species strive for perfection. Let this be the one thing we have been able to achieve, to be the one reason that sets the tone from those whom do not want to be good humans.

Please do not allow People with a different skin colour to be racist towards even white people.

To conclude, if a person is not able to advance to this level on their own, with good manners. They should not be given the platform to succeed. Based on the grounds of a dysfunctional society.

Life should be relevant in how you live your life and weighed by how you want to conduct your life.

A person looking for power rather than unity people to be better individual; status of dependency on them rather than supporting you through change. You need to facilitate their own self esteem and skills.



Let us go back to enforcing good behaviour in people to want a better world.

Balancing work life, study, social lives.

We all want these to be in working fine order so we are happier. But never loose your decorum.

The time when I loose my decorum is when someone doesn’t behave correctly back to me. I mirror that persons behaviour. I do it to perfection, and it creeps some people out.

Other than that, do not assume parent’s on both sides haven’t instilled the basics in an individual— even if they were clothes you think— don’t fit the mould.

Never judge a book by its cover.


Rise above it, people are in their own space and comfortable with themselves, they have outfits and if they are in a social setting.

You can guarantee they would dress up, know where all your folks are placed on a formal dinner table.

You can find the refined in every person.

Do not think you cannot —learn from the most practical of individuals. There are master craftsmen but in the evening, they are at home with their families: eating at a dinner table being civil.

All in all you are trying to prevent a conflict.

This is how you go about doing it. If others, are not able to rise above this and they have an education higher than others, then unfortunately, we may have to revert back to making this the compulsory university subject in all universities. To prevent, people from using bad communication.

Reconciliation to prevent others from being barbaric.

Learning to reconcile, is the hard part because the person, whom was pushed over the edge by your behaviour: probably had to get people to explain, your conduct is silly. You are not in the most heightened awareness span and you are not in a civilised form. They have to do this, because you should not leave, until you have sorted out your differences with someone.

Resolved any conflict and probably try to change.

This is wisdom in its entirety. Because if that person noticed, a whole load of others noticed and pretty soon. You could get yourself into some major trouble.

It means, to want to put of a better phrase:

Someone is bound to want to rectify if you can comply. This may be the police, it maybe someone official. It may be a boss.

You just do not know.

Please leave a comment about cultures and the differences. I would love to read some feedback.

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