“It’s okay to dislike someone or even to dislike someone for no reason. But it’s not okay…..”

Note to self:

It is weird how everyone has actually been through this whole process where they have possibly felt humiliated – but I never thought I would find later on in life people carrying on with the same pattern which is actually quite harmful and stressful for them. It took me a while to write about this because it is like a healing process. I thought about countless work incidences and also family incidences.

It is a battle acceptance of one’s self because right now with magazines and celebrities with beautiful figures – you tube and selfies; we are programmed to dislike ourselves; compete with beauty and things which is not helping us to really feel better about ourselves; we are given negative news in the media;  it has become okay to cause harm to another person. As we have scrutinised pretty much everything insight we only have ourselves to protect.  As the ego battles in the mind I feel sometimes we forget we are all human.

Yes, I know some people think it’s okay to thrive in an environment where you belittle people. There are some places where they think you need it; banks, finance or even sales….however, there is such a thing as going too far.  In these work environments today the competition has created cyber bullies according to a study by UK universities highlighted by Ray Williams (2015) in Psychology Today:

“around eight out of ten had experienced one of the listed cyber bullying behaviors on at least one occasion in the previous six months. The results also showed 14 to 20 per cent experienced them on at least a weekly basis — a similar rate to conventional bullying.”

I feel we don’t want to admit our weaknesses and I feel we are exposed to a non- belief system. I feel we are not always able to see the positive aspects of ourselves when we are under pressure.  I mean, from time to time I feel  have had to use this approach of positivity to actually try and persuade people there is another way. I feel sometimes the battle of the ego after such attacks become defensive and throughout I have proved not only to myself but to other’s in this post that we are not able to see the good in people.  Also I feel it is hard to try and accept perhaps the link and chain for ones self particularly when someone has humiliated you. Maybe if you dislike parts of ourselves so much that we do not see positive aspects in other’s.  Taking a positive route is better than feeling depressed.  Like enjoying ourselves or feeling a sense of belonging or restoration in people.

I feel many of us want that stressful environment because they think people will work harder. Then a barrier is crossed because the dislike turns into something sinister:

“Just because we dislike someone doesn’t give you the right to degrade or humiliate them.”

It is actually against the law as well. All forms of harassment are in the northern hemisphere. I mean within reason and justification you can inform someone that you dislike what they have done but the name calling means – let’s face it, it becomes like a child’s voice in your mind and eats you up after you committed such acts of either cyber bullying or bullying:

”

What a cow! She has got a post up on facebook…. let’s just ruin it or let’s talk about that person on twitter.”

“It doesn’t matter what others think she was a bad person and I am going to let the whole world know.”

“Why have they got a post on you tube?”

“Why has she moved country…. she isn’t allowed to leave – let’s continue talking about her because she was low life anyway!”

“I hate her because she doesn’t understand anything let’s just continue talking about her even though she is not there to defend herself.”

“He is so gay! Why does he just not come out and tell the whole world? I know I will post things on his Facebook and let him understand how gay he is!” (It happens!)

“Why is he going out with her…. they work together – she has horrible shoes let’s ruin their happiness because I am unhappy with myself.”

“Why do they get to have fun all the time?”

I couldn’t imagine why people have become so wrapped up in this cognitive pattern to dislike someone so much they would do such things.  Even if the pain is not physical it is psychological and it is damaging – not just because it is based on what I have written but to confirm such feelings will be as Alfred Adler (1911)states:

“Inferiority complex: become shy and timid, insecure, indecisive, cowardly, submissive, compliant, and so on.

The inferiority complex is a form of neurosis and as such it may become all-consuming. A person with an inferiority complex tends to lack social interest; instead they are self-interested: focused on themselves and what they believe to be their deficiencies. They may compensate by working hard to improve in the skills at which they lack, or they may try to become competent at something else, but otherwise retaining their sense of inferiority.”

So now we have to admit there is an inferiority complex in all of us. We are all hanging on a fragile balance – we are merely hanging on to the tapestry of life but Adler (1911) makes a significant point – your feelings of superiority are based on the ego flexing it’s muscles. Such a weird way of looking at it; flexing it’s muscles because it’s been attacked. 

Something which prevents you from the ‘final goal’ makes you agressive. Imagine all that pressure and admit you may not have needed to say it however we all know is that the superiority complex – is a defensive mechanism which is used very ineffectively in most circumstances as Michael Schreiner (2014) explains:

“This might sound like an insignificant difference but from a psychoanalytic point of view it makes all the difference in the world because unconscious conflict between what you secretly believe you are and what you portray to the world will always exist, and this conflict is what produces painful symptoms like depression,anxiety, and problems in general functioning.

Your sense of power and strength are fraudulent, they are a mirage that you have created to help you cope, and even if everyone else falls for your sleight of hand, on some level you never do.”

So on one hand you are grappling with your inner most demons; on the other hand, you are creating some with the negative attitude you implode:  as bring the two together and you implode inside because you are unable to see anything positive.

I realise this is sad;  I realise it is intense. No one likes to admit to bullying and  no one likes to be a victim. I feel no one likes to admit when people are doing the right things for themselves. Just to help their environment become less stressful so people can live their lives. 

Empowerment is more important don’t you  think? 

Its a nice word and I would like to think people would point others in the right direction if they havent faced a smiliar situation however, some like to sit on the fence forgetting whom helped them along the way. I feel in order to empower someone we must feel the need to break the cycle which continues to rage within us.

“Break the cycle!”

Why do you think most environments are causing long term sickness for depression and mental health problems?

I told someone that in UK we now have to tick a box for your ethnicity, race, religion and your sexual preferences. These details that we give employer’s are now seeming to become more and more discriminating than actually being told –

“Sorry you haven’t got the job.

”

Many of us are sat there wondering if we ticked the right box in order to get a job….. so now when you have been honest about yourself before you get the job – you are humiliated whilst on the job. It seems to be a little too much for many. I mean, it feels like they just hired you to be bullied.

I feel I can imagine how defensive people have become knowing they are in a situation where they feel, they need to be aggressive towards a person as they feel threatened. I feel maybe this could be why there is an increase of anxiety, depression and other stress related illnesses; PTSD for example in work places. As your ego is constantly in battle with other’s as you are being scrutinised and your own personal life which should actually be seperate is being torn apart by people whom want to be the best.

Imagine all that competition and finding someone unique – but you don’t want to accept how weird and wonderful they are? How bloody draconian of you! It is actually quite insulting to a person because you are contradicting yourselves; it may lead to mistrust. As I feel you have subjected them to humilation and not controlled your actual inferiority complex, so,  the person who you bullied ends up talking about the incidences that have occurred with someone in a public place – then all of a sudden everyone knows how discriminating the company is; this could be why it could damage most businesses.

No one wants a damaged business because it’s not good for society and the wealth and welfare of other’s. 

I feel this is partly why people should just accept the weird and wonderful nature of us as individuals – our own nature causes us to take time off work because we have been bullied. It’s not productive.

How do you feel people should try to change?

I feel our Egos are so fragile maybe being in the wrong environment could cause frustration or abuse or even something more like a mental health condition.

I think that communication is based on  output ….. I feel everyone has those moments where you snap – nothing is golden. However, my thoughts and feelings are seperated because I wish to have moments of pure thoughts and ideas bouncing around. My feelings on the other hand get misconstrued by other’s because of this battle of Ego’s or the threat of someone attacking their own personal selves. 

I don’t feel I personally can respect other’s if they don’t respect me. However, when I seperate my feelings from my thoughts: I feel my feelings are put to one side as I try to respect other people – even if I was humilated and it’s very difficult because if my feelings became too involved I wouldn’t continue being respectable towards other’s.  I feel my Ego would be deflated all the time. Then I would not be helping anyone I would just show absolutely no emotions because I need to rationalise my own behaviour with my thoughts. So this constant understanding of my limits is essential to not humiliating another person even though I have been humiliated.  Sometimes we can be impulsive – our reactions have absolutely no rationality to it then. I feel there is a fine balance of total discrimination of someone – not recognising they have seperated their feelings after humilation is like saying you do not understand the nature of them at all.

I feel that we are not always impulsive responding – we do need to think or reflect. It is those times of reflection that you can really change. We cannot force everyone to reflect – I feel it comes with understanding a side of life based on humanity principles. Being taught about humanity being stronger than religion has given me faith in people or restored it. I feel I give people chances to think about what they have done.

I feel humanity has 5 steps. Many are probably aware that these 5 steps are apart of NHS training in the UK but this is your humanitarian guide – yes autonomy and independence is all very well but when your ego has taken a bit of a roller coaster ride you aren’t going to believe in humanity. Thoughts and feelings are also apart of your human rights…. to respect those is like a heck of a big leap to being reactionary and even feeling a sense of wellbeing as you have the ability to replenish your ego after humiliation.

Humanity’s 5 steps:

1. Caring – Asking people about their happiest moment in their lives. Spend time with children.  Forgive yourself and believe in yourself.

2. Confidence – focus on good news stories of great kindness and virtuous actions. Keep a list of the people who inspire you.  Read gratitude journals.

3.  Commitment – to spend time with those less fortunate than yourself. Practice random acts of kindness.

4. Compassion – for other’s and yourself. To be kind to yourself means you are kind to other’s.  I like to give myself a chocolate treat and then spend time with my favourite charity.

5. Courage – to encourage faith in fellow humans through your actions. Step out of your comfort zone.

You definatly do not need to be religious to have humanity. It’s like not giving up on people or yourself. We all need something to believe in and I feel that even though our Egos may be tormented or we may have an intolerance towards one another but we have to break the cycle.

Everytime someone let’s you down try resorting your faith in humanity. I believe I needed it to survive and I found the most beautiful people I have ever known from the experience.

I accepted the weird and the wonderful. Good luck finding your own identity and restoring your faith in people. Xxxxxx

Weird & ₩○NdeRf#ll _____