Note to self:
When you become a Pressing perfectionist; surely you must feel exhausted? Just think a second about what you did; what you could have done right to improve the situation and be done with this debacle!
The throbbing in the head to want to be better is always better when prepared, but we always have to learn – I feel my learning has been….misinterpreted, or, misinformed in the past. It felt like people had judged me.
I had to describe what happened to me in my French lessons to people who are fluent in English and French; one is not French and the other is wonderfully amusing and French (without the over the top French accent.) My bad experience deterred me away from French so much that I really have not improved my French at all. I chose a different language to occupy myself with.
It feels as though my bad experience of public humiliation was hindering me from becoming a perfectionist; I don’t take kindly to people exposing me in front of other’s and telling me:
” Repeat after me; I am a stupid girl!”
Well, at the time of the incident I stood there in defiance and then I had said “no!” We had some homework to hand in and I always had to do my homework alone and I struggled at times. So my friend’s had checked to see if I had completed my homework – just to see if it is correct before I gave it in. I corrected one sentence and I was humiliated for it. I was 15 at the time so I had been bullied a lot throughout school; I was beginning to feel like the teachers were supecting I had lost hope.
The teacher’s just kept humiliating me and giving me detention because I had become so disheartened and negative. However, this incident nearly pushed me over the edge – yes, capital punishment had been banned from school’s but the attitude of the teacher’s was to enforce public humiliation and bullying of a different psychological kind. If this was the 13th century it would be flogging or some abusive ridiculous sadistic plot to build characters. What a load of hogwash!!
Now, in true rebellion I am studying a new language. It doesn’t matter how old I am, the experience has taught me that there is a great person in everyone. If I teach children or a person another language – I just let them listen – I am being nice for a reason. It is to assist with the learning process. I was sick and tired of the same negative feedback reoccurring judgemental, stereotype, neglectful and harmful practices. If I am good at something then I will just shrug my shoulders and smile. It took me a long time to accept even the slightest praise after my ordeals at school. I felt sick after being through so much torment. I remember begging my dad not to let me go into the same school but transfer me to another – just so I could enjoy school!!!!
Now I can do what I want – I have the power to learn. There are improvements to be made but I would rather be positive about them. I am no longer addicted to anxiety, everyone learns at different speeds. I will be encouraging and empowing the learning process. Let’s all reduce the anxiety and produce good results.
How weird and wonderful can I possibly have become to overcome such an experience of ignorance. Good luck overcoming your obstacles. Xxxx
Weird & ₩○NdeRf#ll _____