Pain is relatively objective, physical phenomenon; suffering is out psychological resistance to what happens…..

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Note to self

Let’s discuss the pain as I Psychologically suffer – the resistance has been created. The resistance of what could actually occur unfolds. I could give myself a jolt of anxiety over this.

My fear is my enemy

As I write this, I am classically presenting myself with a problem. Then through the problem, I must resolve my issues. My fear is to be expected, but, my suffering will only be down to the way I handle the situation.
Everyone handles situations differently. Some people have a different pain threshold to other’s.  Some have the ability to create more trouble and harm to themselves by letting the wrong people discourage them from doing what is necessary. Although, people can cause pain and suffering to you.

When other’s create the suffering

It is not by choice that people end up in a situation they cannot handle. It is scary when people see you in that situation and expect you to end up in an even bigger situation than you were previously in. I don’t like those kinds of vindictive people; they are out there and it is even worse when it is family. I was angry at my aunt and I still am angry.  I wrote  Autonomy The Big Word Not Everyone Comprehends or Respects Weird and Wonderful (2015)  why? Because sometimes you do not have choices and everyone has these expectations of people; though the challenge is to think about “self preservation“….. This is not selfish. It is smart to think of a way out of a bad situation but it is not smart for other’s to continue reminding you of a past you cannot correct, change, or resolve.

When people sit by and they even think offering help to you is in vain – at least offering is better – than not offering at all. It is like seeing a lifeboat on a sinking ship. Entering the lifeboat with your close family  and not offering your other relatives a seat on the lifeboat. Then you wanted to watch them drown because you hated the ideology of them being equal to you.” Weird and Wonderful (2015) 

Causing suffering to other’s or watching them burn is not good as I sat writing Note to self: Stop Setting yourself on fire for people who will just sit there and watch you burn, Weird and Wonderful  (2015) ; I felt that other’s just want to see people suffer and then it is just an excuse for them to say:

That’s okay then isn’t it?!” “So that’s your choice though isn’t it?!”

I feel you do not know how I feel! You do not know my pain and suffering. You don’t want my pain and suffering. Choices aren’t an opition when you are trying to survive. Sometimes I think these people just want to see me burn…..

Anyone who does not walk with you through your pain and suffering; even though you cry and push them away from fear of being hurt, is not worth being in your life. As they are unable to understand the complexities of suffering. They do not understand the psychological impact because they may not be in the right frame of mind. They will never be in the right frame of mind to deal with the vulnerability of it all because they fear the situation would happen to them. This is not healthy. Not for you and certainly not for the future.

What would your advice be to other’s who see the pain and suffering of other’s?

Don’t just sit byask a few questions but not ones that make you seem judgmental or condescending.

I felt so happy when one of my classmates said I could discuss things with her and give her my books. She was such a rock and could tell I was being a pillar of strength.

She listened to my trials and tribulations with the tax office and all of the other decaying government situations.
She knew I was helpless to omit change.
She knew all she could do was listen and empower, not be condescending, patronising or even quiz me on the situation. She knew all she had to do was just watch as I gather myself.

I was able to keep my dignity with her and I did not have to lower myself to the depths of depression over matters that were out of my control.

This is because my classmate and I are trained to be like pillars of strength.  We are empathetic and we learned through this. The techniques you learn and it is a skill you develop. It isn’t a gift. You have to really build upon the foundations of trust, dignity and respect.

Not everyone can be empathetic and not everyone can empower. It takes practice. It takes strength. Sometimes, empowerment is not about giving the answers to a solution. It is about accepting that you cannot help that person but you need to be a listening tool, or provide the next tool for them to be steady.  It takes a matter of emotional resilience and an understanding that you cannot be condescending, patronising, or even come across as judgemental.

You just sit there and listen. Have the confidence to understand your situation is different to theirs and do not be afraid to state this fact. Do not be afraid to say you just do not know what else there could be to do because that person has tried everything.  Then you offer physical help if needs be and this could be a hug or a physical gift or something to help assist that person on their way. Eventually, when the person is able to release the resistance in their mind they thank you. Other than that, don’t antagonise the situation; they will lash out and get angry. Let them.

Just be there…. it’s better than calling people names and being immature or ignorant. Making up stories behind someone’s back. Xxxx

Weird & ₩○NdeRf#ll _____

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