But I miss my dad……

When you feel as though no one is listening and that you need a hug.

You miss your dad.

If you feel vulnerable and need emotional connection to someone.

You miss your dad.

When you feel your mom is too distant and far removed….

You miss your dad.

When you have never felt so lost and so hurt by everyone, everything or been so soul destroyed.

You miss your dad.

When you feel like you have no energy inside left and your bones ache but you need a hug.

You miss your dad.

When you just want someone to stand there and watch you kick stones to hide your emotions; as it hurts too much.

You miss your dad.

When the memory of his face has gone and all you have is some 30 year old picture.

You miss your dad.

When you remember when he told you, his heart was crushing against his chest; you share that same feeling.

You miss your dad.

When you open your bag he left 5 year’s ago and find he remembered to pack your favourite things: badminton racket and your favourite hiking boots.

You miss your dad.

When no one else will celebrate his life and pay respects. It feels awfully like my own tale; no one will reminiscence over times past or enjoy moments over wine about the crazy things I had done or said – I have had so many wonderful times.  Wow sad, but I miss my dad. Who has buried you?

I forgave him years ago; it’s too late for you to come back. I miss you. You were okay for me – it worked – I felt angry for years about all the pain. You broke my finger – it’s okay; I forgave you. Just do not expect me to be all sweetness and light because history repeated itself because you couldn’t save me. So wrapped up in guilt over some of the things you did, you couldn’t see a future because the obscured past enveloped you. It’s fine. Get over yourself; it was my finger after all.

Think about how irrational you were and learn to cope. Reflect upon your behaviour and learn to cope.

Right now – no one can find you because you are so wrapped up in your own world. Wake up! I miss you. I want the person back not the crazed angst person who just couldn’t understand life.

Build yourself up and be a decent human being. None of it matters now because you and everyone else just watched me lose more than just a broken finger. Why? Because of your own self absorbed guilt, you didn’t even notice the likeness between you and my ex because you were so stuck on a broken finger. Maybe you did notice and you thought I deserved to be treated with the same habitual pattern and manner. Systematically being told I am worthless, I did enjoy it – really I did.   Get over yourself, it was just a broken finger.

But I still miss my dad!

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