Weird and wonderful would like to just have a moment to explain I have to do a ceremony for my dad because I think he is dead. Then I can go. It is like closure.
Closure makes people feel complete. I never wanted to discuss my problems with people, or, deal with my parents lack of respect for my own wellbeing.
Now my dad has been missing for 5 year’s. Before I leave this crazy country – I must do a mini ceremony and I feel embarrassed inviting people to a funeral. There is no body. I kept this locked away like a prison…. trapped deep. I just want to leave but say goodbye and there is no one to say goodbye to. There is no one to tell this to and there is no way to be forgiven and there are no rainbows.
Where ever he maybe let him be happy but a little mini funeral will not hurt. Because I feel I will be celebrating my own life. Accepting he has gone with the intention of good in my heart. So I now have to embarrass myself and make a funeral.
I just don’t know if people understand how weird and wonderful my life had become. Emotionally I was just too caught up to actually function. I felt ashamed. I still feel ashamed. This wasn’t meant to happen like this. I wasn’t meant to not have communication with my parents. They have filled their hearts with hate. They were vicious to one another.
My dad would cry a lot. My mom would drink. The only choice my dad had was to run away. He couldn’t financially maintain himself. She had run away herself. I don’t know. Now I have to bury him and no one will be there and I feel embarrassed. I don’t emotionally want to do these things but it means closure.
Maybe closure will help me on the other side of my life.
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