A Blighty Tale: “Confusion stems from Communication.”

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Weird And Wonderful feels it is necessary to tell you about how to communicate with the citizens of Blighty through: idoms, colloquial phrases, catchphrases, sarcastic puns, Cockney rhyme and slang; spins, making fun of people or just pet names you will not find anywhere else in the world – no wonder when people visit they feel more confused than they have ever!

There maybe counties with different dialects spread across a country; never one island, split into 3 other countries with different languages attached: Celtic and Gaelic – plus all the different variations of accent: Yorkshire, Lancashire, Liverpoodlian, Brummie, Essex, Geordie, Mancunian – just to name a few.

The land mass of Blighty is 243, 610 km squared. Compared to its neighbours:

Le François – 640, 679 km sq(Grande terre)

Deutschland – 357, 168 km sq

Espana – 504, 645  sq km

Hence, Blighty densely populated. The product is therefore, more, dialects and accents over say every 20 miles or so.

Blighty citizens have created a North and South divide. The media just love to make it worse considering everything but London is North. The gang fractions it has caused and the violence is actually quite scary. We do not even have guns here in Blighty but there is more violence than anyone can tolerate in towns and cities. It never used to be like this.

The West have the most amazing amusing accents and have the very best beaches. The best places being Devon, Cornwall and Aberwesthwy being more North West – Welsh… but Wales is still Blighty. They just wish to be known as Welsh and you need to respect that. Alongside, Northern Ireland who in one sense a word would mean a totally different thing but they would know the English Equivalent and still look at you strangely.  Because you need to respect they are Northern Irish. The same with the Scottish.

So we are in the same predicament. We do not really speak to one another in common tongue – unlike the Queen.

I do struggle sometimes to comprehend others; this is down to the fact my location changed and dialect and accents have changed through trends.
It may further increase anxiety or stress because communication is such an important thing – human interaction makes people feel considerably better as seen in Helping those who are not socially interacting .
It becomes increasingly more difficult to keep up with these trends.

A Perfect example

In my small town, there are young people who speak broken english also known as pigeon dialect; the nicknames are chavs, yo- bo’s, or deviants. So, you would not necessarily be greeted with charm or with a  defined greeting:

“Hello”

Or

“Hi”

Certain individuals will not even look at you and reply back with a Hello. Impoliteness Blighty is so common, asking for directions you are bound to feel lost before you even start asking.
When you do ask you are firstly greeted with a:

“Ya’whot” – this is not “How do you do?”

Many of us would like to leave because we cannot change anything; this leads to depression.  These people do not want an education – I live in the town with the highest prevelence for truancy in Blighty.

Education  is something which is frowned upon. If you do acquire any knowledge or pass a certain level it is because – your parent’s are (very well off), rich. The most you are likely to reach is first year in university because of the blatant disregard for human life; due to people’s ignorance.

What I am trying to say is; coming here is a waste of time coming here unless you are willing to pay a lot of money. Rent is expensive. I know quite a lot of people who are still at home with their parents because they cannot afford to leave home. I know some whom struggled after the crash to pay their mortgage; they now have a lodger (someone who rents the spare room.)

Things are so tough in Blighty minimum wage seems like a lot it isn’t – especially after bills and rent. You are talking taking home less if you rented by yourself or have a family.

The working hours are now over 40 hours a week and I know some people who gave not even seen their family memebers for weeks. They only work for a telephone company. These people want to do overtime because companies who employ skilled workers will pay – based on your skill level.  They will exploit you until you are dead – if you do not meet their cretieria.

The youngest to have a heart attack in Blighty is between the ages of 21- 45… and I can show you examples:

2000 pay respect to the young ‘heart attack’ victim

22 year old footballer Peter McAvoy dies of a heart attack

21 year old man dies of a heart attack

Well, the amount of stress put on these young people. Wow! There are more than  those 3 stories. Bit of a blow to the system (no pun intended).

They say it is alcohol or the persons lifestyle which causes  risk to heart disease. Oh my – I feel so sorry for the families knowing they will not be able to see the person live to a ripe old age. Tell stories to one another or feel like they have the most superb memories.

Just stop and think about the environment: the causes and effects to stress. The fact that your heart keeps generating at that stressed level until you find a way to calm down.

The way we communicate to one another is one of those calming measures.

No other country is happy to use such ambiguous words to describe something – leading to confusion and stress. You have to seriously think about the amount of misunderstanding this causes to people. Obviously this in turn increases stress!

Here are a few phrases which could cause a few laughter moments and if said at an inappropriate time could cause distress or discomfort to a person:

Alphabetically

Ace – Awesome

Adam and the Ants – Pants

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Al Pacino – Cuppacino

Alan Stringer – (see) Minger

Baccy – tabbacco

Bang or Bonk – to have sex

Bell end – 🔔🔚 – tip of a man’s genitalia!

Belt up – shut up

Bladdered – drunk

Blimey – just a shocked expression  “Cor Blimey” or “Gawd Blimey!”

Blower – 📞 if you think it means something dirty then you need to resolve your issues – it is phone.

Botch – substandard work “botch job”

Brainy – clever person

Budgie smugglers – pants / tight y – fronts.

Bugger all – means cheap or next to nothing.

Can you Adam and Eve it? – believe it

Cheesed off – annoyed with something or someone.

Chuffed – pleased with something

Dickie – sick

Dishy/ a bit of a dish – attractive

Evils – bad stare

Faff about – it means to take your time or mess around.

Fruity – when someone is like a bit turned on and flirty.

Grub – food

Her Majesties Pleasure – put in Prison or behind bars.

Horses for courses – each to their own.

How’s your father? – the polite way of talking about sex

Jammy – a way to describe someone who is sly: “jammy bugger” or “jammy git”

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Jelly Tots – nipples but they are also a packet of sweets.

Jimmy Riddle – a Cockney rhyme for piddle.

Knees up – having a party

Knackered – this has a double meaning it is sometimes used as an expression after sexual intercourse but really people use it to say they are tired.

Knock off – stolen goods

Knockers – breasts (.) ____(.) Dear, oh dear!

Legged it – ran away

Lurgy – is ill or has the flu

Merchant Banker  – rhymes with wa**er.

Minger – ugly person

Monged – drunk person/ off his skull

Muff – lady garden/ ladies genitalia

Narked – annoyed

Off colour – you are ill and pale… very ill looking

On your bike – a polite way of telling someone to duck off

Pear shaped – something has gone wrong

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Pete Tong – a radio one DJ but the expression is “everything is Pete Tong”:  everything has gone wrong.

Put a sock in it – keep quiet!

Quid – a pound or sterling coin.

Roger – another word for sex or some use it as an expression to say “Roger it!”: screw it!

Sixes and sevens – all gone wrong; a little clumsy.

Skew -whiff : it’s a bit uneven shaped or at a slant.

Skive – which means have a day off to avoid work or school.

Slag – could be male or female: just someone who sleeps around

Slapper – generally aimed at women who sleep around.

Slash – to urinate.

Smashing – fantastic, amazing, awesome.

Smeg/Smegging – put it this way it’s bad. A yeast infection on a man.

Snog /snogging – to kiss someone with tongues or make out.

Starkers – naked because the people of Blighty love to laugh at naked people also seen in  A Blighty Tale : ” Fascination for indecent exposure

Spend a penny – use the toilet

Taking the biscuit – really genuinely someone taking their time or making fun of someone.

Tar’ra – an expression for goodbye

Three penny bits – Tits

Throw a spanner in the works – totally ruin things or make a mistake or wreck something.

Two fingers Salute – it is a V shaped sign of swearing; another Form of rebellion 5 Things in Life Deserving of a two fingers salute 

Todger – another name for a penis

Totty – a nice girl you can talk to.

Wind up – to make someone crazy by teasing them.

Hopefully, you can understand this list because I do find it Weird and Wonderful we have such a diverse culture. However, it is really – really causing a lot of termoil for those who are here and refuse to just speak normal English without using the incorrect terminology. Unless you are a skilled labourer….. it is totally ineffective and can offend a lot of people.

Change is hard…. however, it starts with all of us.  I just find it funny at times; I just think – I absolutely have no idea what you are talking about. I try to be polite. It is the only thing I can do.

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