Weird And Wonderful just cannot help but make blunders. If I had a reality show like “the Truman Show”, you know the one with Jim Carrey; I would be the “bashful bloomers show”.
Really cringe worthy moments in my life coming up. Please feel free to make your own. This is highly therapeutic.
1. A recent event
I left a voice mail message to someone I care about a lot and did not leave my name or my contact number. Absolute – devil of a blunder!
Why did I do that?
– I like him a lot….
I just hurried my words and told him about my life story in one shot. Then I told him to ring me…..
“Is he really psychic?”…. “Is he meant to know it is me, who left a really simple message of how I missed his voice?”
Just hear me say it out a loud and laugh with me because I have absolutely no fear! Except I will remain anonymous. What a faux pas! Laugh with me here, please.
2. Age 14
There was a boy who was particularly rude to me. I thought it would be nice to give him a Valentine’s Day card, so he would stop being rude.
As a joke I thought I may give him my last Rolo. It was a term of endearment or an affectionate thing to do. I thought chocolate would be a nice gift. A good will gesture. So I put it in the Valentine’s Day Card and I walked up to his house with my best friend. She laughed with me.
I opened the letter box and put the card through. Suddenly, I heard barking. I didn’t know he had a dog! Before I could let go of the card the dog had grasped the letter with his teeth.
We all laughed about my good will gesture for weeks!
3. Last Year
I saw Linking Park at Download Festival. I thought it would be a good idea to stand at the front with my friend. We were crushed. Unfortunately, this really Blighty football holligan – headbutted the man who was behind me. Awful it was… so, we decided to crush him back. It was a full on tussle, he had his elbow in my jugular.
At this point my friend was being pulled down. To no avail – she decided to get out. Crowd surfed only a few lines to the stage. I decided to follow suit because I could not breathe. Then – the guy who was awful helped me over.
I had no idea when I got to the front stage: I had lost my shorts whilst Linking Park were performing.
Luckily enough, I had my leggings on underneath my shorts because I had really big bloomers on (Pants like Bridget Jones Diary).
Embarrassed – no – I was just happy to pick up my shorts and wave at them!
4. Age 19
Had a friend who loved to drink in Gay Bars. She was obsessed.
“The drinks are cheap! The men are nice to look at and I am sure we are bound to have a good time.” She bellowed.
I was on my second vodka and coke. We chatted on sofa’s. Then I saw two men kissing and my other friends at the time felt embarrassed. I said I did not have a problem with it.
I walked up to the bar and noticed there was a shower on the stage, I was intrigued. My friend who was delighted to be there stood next to me. I had no idea what was going to happen.
Then, the announcement:
“Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to Route Two… Tonight our special Guest is Mr Gay UK.”
He was tanned and muscular wearing some outfit from the village people. Flexing his muscles and revealing himself, stripping every layer to some music. My friend was obviously extactic.
I saw him rotating his hips; ripping his trousers off; strutting his g – string about; the g – string came off; he cupped himself; walked into the shower.
The water actually worked. He lathered himself up with some really foamy soap and then…..
He tucked himself in between his legs and bent over. I mean…. I am sorry if this is graphic but I really had not seen a man like that before. I did not know what to do so I laughed. I felt so uncomfortable. I just laughed until my eyes leaked.
I thought it was crackers:
“Why was I there? Can I actually erase what I saw? Maybe I will end up disturbed or something? Do women really like that? Oh goodness – I am in a Gay Bar….. oh my gosh… no wonder I saw too much. I don’t really like male genitalia. Does that mean I like women?”
Thankfully one of the girls who also felt uncomfortable also shouted out:
“Gay people like this kind of thing do they? A bit revealing!”
I thought…. no it is okay… I am not Gay. Just do not draw attention to the fact and let them all enjoy being voyeurs. I feel the heterosexual women that were there were just being perverts. We all take the opportunity to look I think but sometimes it is a bit much.
5. A Year and a half ago.
I decided it would be a good idea to wear some high heels out with a friend. We danced for hours. None stop. We went to two clubs.
We walked up to the V.I.P section; met some friendly Polish Cage Fighters. I thought we must be friendly back and join them. I was not intimidated. I just wanted to be hospitable.
I had totally forgotten the habits of the Polish drinker. We ordered our drinks from the bar staff. The bar lady approached the table, with a 2 litre bottle of vodka.
They wanted my friends and to become very drunk. I was on my 10th shot. At this time I thought the stars could be seen in the club.
My friend and I decided to walk home. I was wobbling on my new shoes. So, when we left the club – my friend and I decided to take our shoes off. We walked to mine bare foot.
I woke up the next day with sore feet. I had tore the first few layers off my skin. It was so painful. I soaked my soar feet in a bath and made them so soft…. another layer of skin had come off.
I was literally falling apart with a hangover. I think my liver also has not actually recovered from the abuse. But never mind. I still drink neat vodka occasionally, but never 10 shots with other drinks.
Ultimately silly.
These silly moments have been written to highlight positive moments in my life. If you too would like to have 5 silly moments to feel better about yourself – go ahead!
Weird and Wonderful 