Weird And Wonderful admits something is wrong with wanting: copula, to make whoopy,or, rumble in the bed, or, whatever anyone calls sex these days with someone who is not intimately attached. I wrote What is intimacy these days? So I wanted to investigate why my Libido is hiding away.
So, why did I become hung up and only wanted to be intimate with a friend?Maybe it could have been depression? Apparently Depression and Sex are interlinked with Libido.
However, I doubt it. I think I have become even more specific about who I want to be with and maybe it has caused me to behave in a particular way….
My friends have seen me be specific, they think it is funny. I feel it is actually funny because I have to be attracted the person in the first place. I remember when I was 18 and I basically did not know how to tell a guy I did not want to be with him. I told my friends to give me a moment whilst I have a conversation. In the middle of my speaking to him, in the pub; everyone began looking at the juke box, I had not realised it had stopped playing –
“Okay! Let’s just be friends.”
The guy looked at me in astonishment. My friend grabbed my hand and took me to the “office” …. we called the powder room the “office”. My friend asked me why I did it – she told me the whole pub stared whilst we were there talking; the juke box had stopped – why did I keep going? I told her:
1. Why make excuses, when you know the person has nothing in common with you?
– people find out they do not get on with one another when they go out on a couple of dates.
2. I went out with him and he did not like Tekken 3. There is something wrong with a person who doesn’t like Tekken 3.
3. I am personally not ready for a committed relationship with a guy who does not like the same things as me.
If, there is no spark – there on in after what is the point? I told my friend about the together part. So, she laughed at me when I used a computer game as an excuse to break up with a guy. Yes – I could have taught him how to play but, he just did not have a sense of humour and he was not sarcastic. He was perhaps the most unattractive person after 3 dates.
So – why did I become a geek?
Because I spent my pocket money on magazines and I had a music collection which was varied, however, it was becoming specific: I loved the offspring, green day, slipknot, korn e.t.c. I was beginning to have a personality trait already. I felt the guy did not fit into any of my top 3 favourite things to do – if he did then we would have continued. However why lie to myself?
I have a lot of female friends and a lot of male friends who laugh at my specifications. I have tried to be with others in the past. I tried believe me, however, I am focusing on being happy:
Being as polite to people as possible, along the way: maybe it is not depression – maybe realising you are specific. It is okay to formulate some kind of structure to what you want if it makes you happy.
I was in a ten year relationship – he and I were both specific about dating and forming some bonds. Being specific however, does not give people the right to abuse you.
So – I am being even more exact is about expectations but it is not – you just want someone who mutually agrees with you. A man who comes home after drinking with his friends, is so drunk he becomes abusive and physically abuses me – is not a mutually respectable relationship.
So – yes – my Libido did sink. Yes – I felt as though he did not want to treat me as his equal. I am being specific – equality or no love making!
We have to mutually agree on things and be spontaneous. Really expressing my point so it my life may improve.
So I look at some men and I think: No thank you – as they do not have anything in common and we would probably fall out with one another because you need to be my equal – this includes intellectual capacity which – I use whilst flirting, being sarcastic e.t.c
I like it when men go out and enjoy themselves – it is a must. I also like it when men allow their friends and my friends to mingle. I do not like control freaks:
“They are my friend’s not yours!”
But boundaries will occur but the friendliness must be maintained because everyone needs their friends. The same boundaries I feel should be applied for families. When certain people have the opportunity to be controlling – it means they have a controlling parent. It really means – respect should be given to the parents. Just to realise the grip and the intensity of the situation.
So, specifically putting this out there. My Libido does work but on specific people.
Also being specific gives me confidence. I feel that even though – others are not specifically stating that they are attracted to me – at the time. They realise that the specifications are formed after. Then, this means they realise that it will or will not work. As they are beginning to formulate a perception of a future.
This is probably why couples do not work because when we all have identities and we all internally know it will not work because you see a future with the individual.
I feel that yes you should try to make things work. However, other circumstances test relationships. Once those circumstances have changed or altered – it should be mutually agreed or settled; for the future of the relationship.
Have I been influenced to think this way?
Perhaps – I read Pride and Prejudice, or, Jane Eyre and I felt my own plot twists in the past. However, many make the mistake of thinking that God is the one to help your relationship.
It takes work – we as humans have needs and desires. We as humans need to address those desires in order for relationships to work. Being specific means you can be accepting to the choices and decisions everyone else makes. They may make mistakes and feel that the individual does not have to change.
They do – especially when they harm you. As humans they have the ability to correct themselves, through self – actualisation and also behaviour.
They have been conditioned to think in a certain manner. Form boundaries and actually accept one anothers needs, by taking a Humamistic approach to life.
We all have needs – of course my Libido needs addressing. Except – I am particular because I do not wish to sleep with every:” Tom, Dick and Harry.”
Does being specific mean I protect myself?
Yes – it does. Yes – I am more able to focus on my goals to help my future relationship know when I am in termoil or I feel hurt by their behaviour. I feel many make the assumptions that being specific is being prejudice – it is not – it is addressing the fact you do not wish to be abused or feel rejected because those are the things you like doing.
Why are things we like doing so important?
Everyone has a purpose and meaning for living – so through the process of us all being attached to one another we are going to like a couple of things to do together in order to relate. Hence, I feel it is nice to see a guy who is as geeky as me:
I love being a geek. I love my huge books; I love my bookshelf; I love talking about trekking places; I love to travel; therefore I would love to do those things with that person.
Does Being over weight contribute to my Libido?
Not really – I feel – I just need to be happy with someone who is goal orientated and happy with themselves. It is not rocket science. I am sharing a moment with a person and I feel that sometimes I may not want to discuss every intricate detail of myself. If I am confident with that person then I have a good time. I do not think people should focus on weight. They should see it as – the sign that a person has been through a stage and process in their life where they were not able to let their Libido go.
What made me write this?
I had a conversation on the phone with someone about not settling down with just anyone. I feel, I have the ability to not do that. They said to me they cannot trust anyone, therefore, I should not trust anyone: Actually – that is not true. You can trust people. You can also form a level of intimacy which will form the foundations of trust.
Why am I so complex?
Because I feel like people life have made assumptions about me. I feel that when I am drunk or whatever – I can be a little wild. However – I have been specific and I think many who know me – actually feel like too many people talk at me rather than trying to relate to me.
No – offence to then but it’s a bit pathetic when you think about it. I can help others but when I am specific about my own private life people go crazy. Just think about the complications a second:
1. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t share the same ideals as me.
2. I do not sleep around
3. I am not flippant which means I probably am looking for a stable relationship.
These are good qualities as far as I am concerned. What I do not need is people to pretend that these qualities make me a lesser person.
I feel I am not trying to say I am superior to others. I am protecting myself from the individuals who just wish to have fun with me at the expense of their Libido. Hence, I feel my Libio switches off!
I just smile at people instead of telling people “you are not my type!”….who wants to hear that all the time?…it is not nice – be nice! It helps to be nice to people at times. We all go around in a very cold callous way these days – just say – “can we just be friends?” – “I will call you back sometime!”
In order for me to establish, if, someone notices if I am their type I turn it around:
“I do not think you are my type”….
So, therefore, I use it as reverse psychology to find out if that person realises I am their type, if they do not then fine fair enough – move on. Oops “I let the Cat out of the bag!”